The Biggest Anorexic

Last night was the season finale of The Biggest Loser. Before I bitch and moan about Kai nationally televising her dipshittedness or 100 contestants racing to diet themselves out of existence–let me say that I admire every one of those people for their fitness achievements. The show generally promotes a healthier lifestyle, and each one of those folks are way better off than when they started.

I have been dabbling in fitness and nutrition for several years now. I have read everything I can get my hands on, and I have tried several programs. I have gone from 225 pounds at 30-something% bodyfat to 165 pounds at 8%. And, aside from some intentional weight gain while attempting to add lean mass (some fat gain is usually expected along with the muscle), I have kept the fat off.

So I am not speaking from complete ignorance when I say that I have no idea how anyone can healthily lose 20 pounds a week, several weeks in a row. Obviously, some of these guys did it, so it is possible. I just don’t get it. It goes against everything I have learned about exercise and nutrition. I suppose if you take people primed to lose lots of fat, isolate them on a ranch with two sadistic trainers, stress them out with lots of drama (like some of them needed any help with this) and aim the cameras, results are inevitable. Good for them. Great for theatrics and entertainment value. But for the viewer, I wonder if the benefit stops there.

First, there is that term that annoys me above all others: ‘weight loss’. Who the hell cares about weight loss anyway? I took a shit this morning, and guess what, I lost weight. This show just drills that term into your head. With no apparent thought given to lean body mass, the contestants eat extremely low caloric diets, and exercise their bodies into the ground. And this applies to their normal daily lives how? “Oh my gawd, I only lost three pounds this week! I want to stab my crying eyes with a fork!” And this coming from a 190-pound woman who probably shouldn’t be losing that quickly anyway. How twisted is this? That was probably the one week she did something right and didn’t lose two pounds of lean mass.

In the first season, at least bodyfat percentage was a factor in the final results. I wonder why they discontinued the bodyfat tests. Nah, not really. There are two reasons for this. One, because the guy with the best bodyfat percentage improvement will never win this contest. This year, Marty demonstrates this nicely. Two, it would require educating the audience to some small degree. This isn’t the Science Channel.

Most people don’t drastically transform their bodies and lives in three or six months. Lasting, meaningful change starts on the inside, and is cultivated through months and years of consistently applying good habits. Almost all people who lose weight, especially those who lose it quickly, gain it back–and then some. Look at last year’s winner, Matt. This guy won it all, and has had continuing social pressure to keep it off. He knew people would be watching him as an example, and he knew he would have the cameras on him again. Still, after it was all over, he resumed packing on the blubber. If it weren’t for his co-contestant wife whipping his ass, he would be back where he started…or worse.

And there is the key. It is never ‘all over’. It is not about a program, or a contest, or a weekly weigh-in. It is about fundamentally changing your life. Do some of the Biggest Loser contestants walk away with that understanding? Yes, some. Do the viewers actually learn anything meaningful from the show? I doubt it.

For the contestants who won the cash prizes and now look like starving children in a third world country, congratulations. And I mean that. You had the tenacity and work ethic to win a contest. You have accomplished something really spectacular; something that almost nobody else has done. That is very cool. Keep working hard, put some meat back on those bones, and stay healthy.

After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps. ~Miss Piggy
Whatever.

Why I eat cottage cheese

I am eating cottage cheese.

“Do you eat that every day?”

“Pretty much.”

“Do you like it?”

“??”

I think they mean, “does it taste good?”. To which I might reply, “actually, I think it tastes like curdled donkey spooge. Looks like it, too.” Not that I would really know that, mind you. Just a hunch.

But do I like it? Hell yeah, I like it. It is one of the best complete protein sources you will ever find, period. All your aminos are in there, baby. You can buy it in full, low, and non-fat. I usually stick with the non, which is particularly nasty. Because I am a massochist.

For building and maintaining lean mass, I don’t think you can beat cottage cheese. Sure, some of the bodybuilder types will whine because they think the lactose makes them all puffy and bloated. Yeah, fine. All I know is that no matter my current fitness goals, cottage cheese gets it done. And since I won’t be spray-painting my body brown and stepping out on stage in a banana sling anytime soon (sorry to disappoint), a little extra subcutaneous water isn’t going to kill me.

“Never eat more than you can lift” – Miss Piggy
Whatever.